• What does friendship mean to you ?

Today, for me, friendship is above all trust (and/or "loyalty"). It testifies to a sincere and lasting relationship and is forged through the events experienced between the people concerned.

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• Has it always meant the same throughout your life ?

No, for me this notion has evolved according to my age, my experience, the conditions in which I found myself at the time of these encounters (professional or not, country or city, my own willingness to open up to new people).

 

 

• How old are you now ?

19

 

• Could you break down the evolution of your idea of friendship throughout different periods of your life ?

a) middle school / high school

b) university

c) first years of working life

d) the most recent stage of your life

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Middle School: At this period, the friendship between two children seems to arise simply and clearly, without asking too many questions. I think that this is the period when we all have (more or less) the most friends in our lives because the bond is created naturally. We could perhaps explain it by the children's own character: not judging, not having preconceptions. It is therefore a question of quality but also of quantity. Personally, most of my friends today are those I met in elementary school. We were lucky enough to be able to continue our school education together, which strengthened our relationships, we saw each other grow. In a word, this phase is: natural

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High School: Middle school and then high school are very often complicated phases in a friendship, as each person's character evolves (improving or degenerating) as they grow up, depending on who they're with, their living conditions and their lifestyle choices. For me, this phase is important, as it allows us to deduce the nature of all the relationships created previously, those that were ephemeral, those that were hypocritical, those that are long-term, and the involvement of each party in the development of the bonds. These are also the ages when we discover each other's flaws, egoism, deceit, lies... and our own. You have to take all these aspects into account, and be as objective as possible, putting yourself in the other person's shoes (hence the difference with the friendship of the youngest). In a word, this phase is: selection.

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University: That's it for me, I'm "just" discovering this new world in which creating relationships seems both obvious and difficult at the same time. Obvious because among the diversity of people we meet we have the choice to get closer to a person or not. This rapprochement can be done in different ways and in different settings, which makes the meeting even more memorable or sometimes funny. Difficult because I feel like it is the very definition of “each for all, God for himself”. Among students we tend to think about our own "survival" and sometimes creating links is not the priority. For some it is essential to make new friends and for others who already have their circle, it is optional. The difficulty also arises when you have to understand the person, and discovering them at this age can be tricky depending on their past. In a word, this phase is: adaptation.

 

For me there is one fundamental thing common to each of these phases: memories. In a sincere relationship, whether good or bad, they're part of the relationship: the good times bring people together, and the difficult times weld them together.

 

 

• Do you value more romantic relationships than friendships ? Or if you cannot answer this in a straightforward way, could you explain how these two play a role in your life ? Basically here you can write your thoughts on both. 

I've had more strong friendships than deep love relationships, so for me friendship takes precedence over love (for now). That's not to say that love is dispensable in one's life, but friendship (and family) remains THE pillar in my opinion. My friends are my home from the moment we're together. We guide each other, listen to each other, advise each other and bring each other to order if need be. Given our shared past, we're the ones who understand each other's situations, choices and actions. A little more to deepen my idea: it's often said that a friendship break-up hurts more than a romantic break-up.

 

• What is the definition of a good friend to you ?

It's a person who's there through the good times and the bad (so basic but so true) and who's honest.

 

• Would you say that you are a good friend ?

For the moment I'd say not, because I tend to avoid problems/miscommunications so as not to "be in a bad position". So I keep quiet in the face of situations that are beyond me but which should be clarified (it's totally cowardice).

 

 

• Has it always been the case ?

It was worse before (ahah) but I'm trying to change that.

 

• If not, what made you change ?

I've come to understand that a relationship has to be simple and that time doesn't solve things on its own (in this kind of case). Things always end up resurfacing and making the situation worse. I've also realized that life is short and that you have to talk when you have the chance.

 

• Would you say that the way you first saw friendship (its role, its purpose, i.e, what it meant) was influenced by how your parents - or your primary caregiver- interacted with their friends ? (Please do take a moment to think about it)

There has always been a lot of love and friendship around me since I was a little girl. Between family, family friends, friends of my parents, I had this vision of a sincere friendship, without interest and especially for which the physical presence was not essential to preserve the attachment. This made reunions (whether voluntary or not) all the more beautiful. And indeed, in one of the previous questions I described my first understanding of friendship in this way. So it was natural for me to cultivate this conception too.

 

 

• How do you feel when you are with your close friends ? 

With my close friends, I feel comfortable discussing all subjects, saying what I think and revealing intimate things (not necessarily in the expectation of answers or advice but just to have an ear) because that I trust them. I also feel grateful to have them close to me, to be able to count on them and to know that they are just as happy as I am to have this relationship. Fun fact: With some of them we just need to be in the same room to understand each other (without looking at each other sometimes, we see the same thing and we talk to each other in silence) it's always very funny. There's this sort of inexplicable connection that makes it even more special.

 

 

• Does it match the definition of friendship you mentioned in the first question ?

I think so, for the most part. I hope I don't idealize my relationships and I hope to be as "me" as possible.

 

• What are your thoughts on the notion of ‘efforts’ put in relationships in general ? And in friendship in particular ?

In a sense, I think that the notion of effort should not and cannot intervene in a relationship. What we do, we do it because we want to, because we want to please and it gives us pleasure to please. It is a circle which is “beneficial” for each of the two parties who find a source of happiness there. Typically, when my ex told me that he had to make an effort to do actions that seemed "natural" for someone you loved, it clicked. I told myself that this was not tolerable.

 

• Here you can add any thoughts that you would like to share about this theme.

If it were an opening, we could address the question of new friendships: those that are created behind a screen and which for some represent everything while others say that the ones that count are those that happen in real life. Personally I would be more in favor of the second point. It's paradoxical but (especially nowadays) in my communication studies I understood that the future from a social point of view will be sad as long as it is exclusively via the internet.

 

When you were answering these questions, I bet you had specific people in mind. So please as soon as you are done answering these, tell your friends that you love them :) 

haha I like it a lot!